I open my bedroom door and walk in. I walk over to my dresser. A framed picture of Numen and me on graduation day of middle school. I pick it up and observe it. We looked small, innocent, and free. We both had on our graduation gowns. Boys had gray gowns, while girls had burgundy gowns. I look at myself. I had on a burgundy gown with silver sparkly heels. My face changed, not much though. I used to have braces, but not anymore, because my teeth are fixed. I didn’t have eye bags under my eyes, but now I do. Can’t blame it on anything else but personal problems. I had acne but now I actually have a skin routine which is why I do not have any acne. I had glasses in the picture but now I have contacts. I have medium-length black hair, just like my dad. I would not say I had a glow-up, but I definitely look way better than before. Numen had on a gray gown with black dress shoes. He had braces and still does now. He didn’t have acne and still doesn’t, which is surprising cause he always gets stressed over school, especially math. Numen was black and he had short black hair, but now his hair is longer. I stare at the photo, I wish I can go back. Back when no one pressured me to do something I don’t want to do, back when I was actually happy. I sigh as I put down the picture frame. 

I walk over to my bed and lay on it. I look up at the ceiling. White and black, just like a canvas. The ceiling is like my life, white and blank just like a canvas. I remember a quote, not word by word that says, “If too many hands are touching the canvas, it ruins the artwork.” It’s like my life. My life is a blank canvas and everyone is touching and painting it with what they want me to become. They are ruining my vision of my own painting. Everyone wants me to do something with math, because I am good at it, and since it is the only thing I hear people tell me, I don’t even know what I want my life to be like. My eyes start to close as I think about my life… My life… My canvas… My life… My can-.