Keep It A Secret – Chapter 6


I was confused. What was she talking about? I looked at her hand. Gripped in it was a plain white package with a blue and purple border and packaging sticker. It still hasn’t hit me what she had in her hand until I read what the sticker said. “Green University of Psychology Studies.” My stomach churns. I quickly get off my bed and walk towards her. As I get closer, I realize that the package was opened. Which could only mean one thing. “Why did you open my package?” I asked while staring at the opened package. “Don’t ask me why I opened your package. This is my household. Would you care to explain what this is?” She asks while holding up the package. “Why did you open my package?” I repeated. I was too concentrated on my package being opened than the questions she was asking me. “Answer my question. Why are you getting mail from a University for PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES?” She asks as she slowly grips the package tighter.

Usually, I am very good at making up lies on the spot, but every lie I could think of flew out the window. Like a vacuum was in my head and it sucked out all of the possible lies. I continue to stare at the package in her hand. There is no point of holding back anymore, I thought to myself. The mail is in her hand, I can’t do anything about this now. “I was interested in going there for college,” I said to her with a straight face. Her face goes blank. She stares straight into my eyes. She doesn’t move or say anything. She stands in front of me completely still. The package still gripped tightly in her left hand. “What do you mean you’re interested in going there?” She asks me with a bewildered expression on her face. I look down at my shoes, “I really want to study psychology, I just didn’t know ho-.” “YOU WANT TO WHAT?!?!?” 

I look up at my mother. Her eyes widened and fist was even tighter. She looked at me with a death glare. I stood there and didn’t say anything. “I didn’t put you in all of these programs and Saturday classes, for you to be a Psychologist,” she says while mocking the word Psychologist. “Well I never asked for you to put me in those programs,” I said. “Why are you so ungrateful? Money doesn’t grow on trees. I worked my butt off to be able to pay and send you to those programs. The least you can do is thank me,” she says while pointing at her chest. 


She stands still and blinks twice at me. “I should have known better,” she said while chuckling. “No matter how far away your father is out of your life, you’re just like him.” I freeze at that statement. “You’re just like him,” repeats in my head over and over again. “I did everything that I could for your father. And what did he do? He leaves. He puts his wants over what he needs. He needed family, but he wanted to go and travel. He wanted to go out and “explore the world.” Family isn’t important to him. He was good at math and science just like you, and he just gave up on it,” she scuffs. “You and him are similar. This is why he and I aren’t together anymore. So if you’re going to be like your father, then I’ll treat you just like him,” she says while looking me up and down. “Amiya isn’t going to become like you guys. Worthless and not using your talents to better yourself. You selfish bastard. She is going to make me proud. Something you can’t do.” 

“You’re just like him.” The phrase repeats in my head. Over and over. “You’re just like him.” My head twitches to the right. “You’re just like him.” My head twitches to the left. “You’re just like him.” “You’re just like him.” “YOU’RE JUST LIKE HIM!” Something snaps in my head. My eyes widen and I look at my mother with eyes full of anger. “All this time you made it seem like dad was the problem. Like he picked up and left us for no reason. Like he was the reason this family is broken.” I stare at her pupils. The same ones that she and Amiya share. The same ones that made me feel horrible since I was the different one in the family. The left out one. The one that will never fit in. The one that was just like her “outcast” father. “He wanted to do what made him happy, but you were too scared of what others would think about your husband going around the world traveling without you. You probably thought people would suspect he was cheating on you, but that wasn’t the case,” I said as tears started to fill my eyes. “You made it seem like he was the monster in this family.” I said angrily, trying not to choke on the words coming out of my mouth. “But the only monster in this family is you,” I said fiercely.